IronJourney

As I had been living in a little world of anxiety the last 2 weeks, I took the opportunity to explore all of my anxieties around IMAZ. The ones that lie just beneath the surface that are destined to come out for a visit later in training. I am a believer of giving ourselves the space to go there. To feel the anxiety - not dwell on it but feel it for a few days, live it, find solutions and move forward. Swim My anxiety with the swim is panic at the start of the "washing machine" everyone speaks of regarding IMAZ. I have a history of panic attacks in the water since I learned to swim in 2007. In the last few years they have only happened with the surf, not in flat open water. I am comfortable in the open water. During my last pool swim I let myself feel that in my gut and visualized the washing machine. I visualize the scary part- whatever that may be? Being pulled in different directions, people swimming over me, most of all- the worst- having a full blown panic a...

It's been a tough two weeks mentally. As I wrote in my previous post I was swiped by a SUV on the bike on the way home from work in rush hour. 2 days later a local cyclist was killed by a car on a road I ride, a road that is very safe for cyclists.  That changed my entire sense of reality. While I have come close to crashing thanks to careless drivers far too many times, I had yet to actually made contact with them. This hits too close to home. I was afraid. I did not know how to resolve this. It is not an irrational fear. It is a reality. I always held onto a bit of denial but that denial was swept away when I heard about the cyclist. A week later,  I went back out on the road with really supportive cyclists who made it possible for me to ride and feel comfortable. We even rode near the site where I was swiped which was healing. I am so grateful. I finished that ride on my own heading home. Riding alone though is a challenge. I rode home that day and was fine but it was stres...

It has been a challenging week but ended well.   A week and a half ago my knee started acting up- kind of a lot and not relenting. It even hurt the first 800 yards of swimming. Then on Friday while riding my bike home in rush hour I get swiped on the shoulder by a blue SUV and the one behind it kept going following the blue one despite my yelling out at them. Had I put my elbow out the second one would have struck me. Fortunately, I did not go down, get hurt or damage my bike. It just scared the daylights out of me and gave me a megadose of reality.   I have come close many times but never have I come in contact with a vehicle.  I don’t know how I did NOT crash. There was no room on the road and I was pushed over headed straight for the big crack in the road where my wheel would theoretically get stuck and I either go down hitting the curb or into traffic. I’m so thankful because that would have been really bad. I’m thankful that I was fine - only angry and anxious after...

Boredom.. Something that is not tolerated in our house. If one of the children even say it, I have a project for them! If James hears it, he says "you're not bored, you're boring."  I had my training in absolute, painful boredom Monday. I rode 89 miles around Fiesta Island on my bike in 5 hours. Goal was 90 miles in 5  hours which would be 18mph pace- I need this for IMAZ. Each lap is 4 miles so I rode it 22 times.   I don't handle boredom  well, never have. Ironically, I have chosen some paths throughout life that require a significant amount of patience,  waiting and working through my inner boredom whether it be waiting for days for a woman to give birth or running marathons. Those are different. Midwifery  was never boring. I was patient and ALWAYS paying attention. Big difference. Running was never boring because back in the day I was always struggling inside wishing I had the luxury of feeling bored. Now when I run long it's fun. I wan...

105 miles, 6000+' climbing.        My 4th century.  My last Century was this exact one a year ago. Saturday May 30th,  I rode the San Diego Century . I started early so I could reach Ramona before it was too hot. Last year was super hot. I left later and was miserable at the finish. This year was much better. I went in with multiple and some conflicting  goals. I love Centuries(100 milers)  because I never raced them. I took my time, enjoyed the views and spent lots of time relaxing at the SAG stops. I would see friends, snack and rest.  I needed to unlearn all of that because there is no stopping in Ironman . Goal 1- no more than 2 SAG stops and only for business- bathroom and water refills.  NO socializing. NO naps. Goal 2- Total SAG stop =12 min. My coach mentioned that when she did this ride that her total SAG time was 12 min for the whole ride. I liked the solid number so I was going for that too. Goal 3...